In which we hold our Natalia Veselnitskaya jokes for a day

Don’t calve for me, Antarctica

I know we discussed Global Warming on Tuesday, but that was before a chunk of ice the size of fucking Delaware broke off from the The Western Antarctic Ice Sheet.

The iceberg — about the size of Delaware and weighing an estimated 1.12 trillion tons — finally ripped free sometime between Monday and Wednesday, scientists at the University of Swansea in Britain announced in a blog post.

1.12-trillion what?

Let’s put this another way:

This iceberg was …

About the same length as the drive from St. Louis, Missouri, to Columbia, Missouri, in the middle of the state,
The same height as the Wilshire Grand Center in Los Angeles, or two of the world’s tallest Ferris wheel, the High Roller in Las Vegas,
About 0.015 percent of the moon’s surface,
The size of 26.5 million curling sheets, the playing surface for the sport of curling,
The height of 85 elephants stacked on top of one another,
The same volume as 2,242 trillion pints of ice cream,
The size of 2.4 million White Houses.

And bigger than this

Anyway, I feel bad for curlers.

Why does all this matter?

Ice shelves form long coastal sections of Antarctica and are also found in northern Canada and Greenland. They create an ever-changing coastline as they calve huge icebergs into the sea. Like the congealed plug on your toothpaste, ice shelves can also hold back seaward glaciers. Were Antarctica’s ice shelves to disappear completely, sea level rises of tens of metres would obliterate the low-lying regions of the world.

No wonder LeBron left Miami.

But worry not, friends, our next NASA head, Jim Bridenstine, knows why things like this happen —

Mr. Speaker, global temperatures stopped rising 10 years ago. Global temperature changes, when they exist, correlate with sun output and ocean cycles.

The sun, huh?

Oy.

Stupid has never been rewarded so handsomely.

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