Pat on Eric’s dick and other defenses

Christopher explains it all.

Forget what I said yesterday about being too cynical.

As you were.

So let us begin today with a matter close to all of us — our own genitalia.

“A dozen” unidentified sources told Huffington Post that longtime host Eric Bolling sent unsolicited photos of his genitals to at least two of his colleagues at Fox Business and one colleague at Fox News on separate occasions several years ago.

The “unsolicited” part makes it art, no?

This is even better.

“Mr. Bolling recalls no such inappropriate communications, does not believe he sent any such communications, and will vigorously pursue his legal remedies for any false and defamatory accusations that are made.”

“Hey, remember, when we were texting back and forth about Obama’s 2nd term foreign policy failures, did I, by chance attach a photo of my scrotum, because, frankly, I can’t remember.”

But one man in particular sees the real issue here: Former Christian Broadcasting Network Executive Pat Robertson, who once blamed the Supreme Court’s inaction on abortion for a tropical storm, sees the workings of a vast leftwing conspiracy.

“The latest attack is against a guy named Eric Bolling, who I think is a straight arrow, he was on this program, he’s a dedicated Catholic, goes to mass every day, very nice man.

Let’s play fun with facts, shall we?

The Vatican revealed Tuesday that over the past decade, it has defrocked 848 priests who raped or molested children and sanctioned another 2,572 with lesser penalties, providing the first ever breakdown of how it handled the more than 3,400 cases of abuse reported to the Holy See since 2004.

They went to mass everyday. Dedicated, too.

But we digress.

Please continue.

“Then they got rid of O’Reilly who was the top getting of audience, the most popular host they had, of course they got rid of Roger Ailes the architect who put it all together. It’s so easy to do now, ” he said “I’m not a conspiracy theorist but it’s so easy to see what’s being done. I think it’s a terrible shame. Fox had better synch up, gird up their loins, people are going after them. Anybody can send a salacious piece of literature. It came from Sean Hannity, it came from anyone. Totally bogus.”

(If you’re eating something, my apologies. I should have warned you that Fox and girded loins would be in the same sentence in today’s homily.)

Of course nobody cares about (or has time for) the sexual peccadillos of Fox News Anchors — not when we have an international crisis at hand. To that end, there was some reporting that the president didn’t consult with any of the senior staff or the defense department before announcing that North Korea would face the fire and fury of the United States.

You heathens have so much to learn — of course he didn’t. Nor did he have to. You don’t need to consult Mattis when the Messiah’s already given you the go-ahead to bomb Pyongyang.

This from Robert Jeffers, the president’s chief evangelical confidante, on how much God and Trump rely on each other.

“When it comes to how we should deal with evil doers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil. In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong-Un.”

Even Kim has to be impressed by that— “God mentioned me by name, really? He knows me? What else did HE say?”

Some days I miss Christopher Hitchens more than others.

You can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to morality and truth in this country, if you’ll just get yourself to be called Reverend.