Top Ten Texts Anthony Scaramucci Might Send His Wife In Hopes Of Getting Her Back

FOTP Friday List for … August 4, 2017.

As you know, days before giving birth to their second child — days — and her husband’s chat with Ryan Lizza, Deidre Scaramucci, which may be one of the greatest names ever, filed for divorce. Now that he’s been fired from his Director of Communications gig (escorted actually out of the White House), as well as leaving himself with an enormous tax problem, Scaramucci might decided, we posit, to take stock, message the Mrs., and try to worm his way back into her good graces.

Hence, his rhetorical assault:

1. “Babe, you’re killing me. This cock isn’t going to suck itself.”

2. “Once you go Mooch, you never go back. Oh, c’mon, that’s funny. :)”

3. “Guilfoyle doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t even watch Fox.”

4. “Trump was bullshit. I love you.”

5. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I AM a little out of touch with my feelings and a little crude, but, fuck, I mean it, my heart yearns for you, okay?”

6. “Prebiously …. (Get it?)”

7. “You can subscribe to The New Yorker. It won’t bother me.”

8. “I guess I could have handled things better, but you gained weight after the first kid, got me to fuck you again, got pregnant, so that’s on you. You were supposed to be arm candy, not a mom, but whatever. I’m actually doing you the favor offering to come back.”

9. “So I came by the hospital after the Boy Scout thingy — I mean RIGHT AFTER — but you were sleeping. I told some nurse to tell you. Hand to God! You mean she didn’t tell you?”

10. “Give me 10 days, I’ll rock your world again.”

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